This is just another love note that you will never receive. Feelings that I may never tell you I have.
You are not the sentimental type. You can be coarse, selfish, and impulsive. You are pleasure-driven and forever dissatisfied. And yet there is something in you that contradicts all that.
Perhaps it is the way that you call me so early in the morning and asked me to come and see you because you could not wait another second. Perhaps it is the way that you tell me that you missed me. Or how you slip your fingers between mine, gripping me tight and leading me along. Perhaps it is the way that you stand with me at the stoplight and run your hand from my cheek down my neck and stop, gently splaying your fingers just below my collar bone as your rest your forehead against mine. Maybe it’s the way that you tell me that I am beautiful with such conviction in your voice that for that moment I truly believe you. But then maybe it’s the way that you kiss me hard in the darkened stairwell, your hands on either side of my face and your body pressed to mine. The way your eyes drink me in, the way your hands electrocute my skin, the way you pull me in… And you lay against me heart to heart and our eyes lock with all our limbs entangled. How you look with the sun shining in and dancing across your skin and lighting you up. The way that I feel like I could lay beside you and count all of your freckles forever. The way you smile at the ceiling and lay still as I watch you, and let me trace your profile with the very tip of my finger that you trapped between your teeth when I reached your mouth. The way that you pulled the blankets over us and smiled softly as you snuggled close, pressing your lips to my neck. The way that you are so attuned to me. The way that you dance in the middle of the street. Your spontaneity and your wit and your easy laughter. The way that you said you liked to cut my food for me. The way you smiled when strangers said that we looked good together. The way that you kissed me hard on my open mouth when I left.
You are selfish. Distant. Confusing. Intense. But I am drawn to your tenderness. Your brilliance. Your sweetness despite yourself. You are hard, and nothing like the man that I thought I wanted. You are likely all wrong for me, and I know I should run. But I want you. You have hardly left my mind since the moment I met you. I can’t say that you are everything that I am looking for, but I crave you in ways that surprise me. I’m staying. I’ll take you however I can get you. It is all up to you and I am yours. I’m staying.
I’ll stay for as long as you’ll let me.
Keep your coffee close to heart. This ceramic mug features an anatomically correct heart, with veins draping over into the interior for extra flavor. Sold on Etsy.
“You die in the m i d d l e of your life, In the m i d d l e of a sentence”